THE COW

When I was young all my class mates used to go away during the school holidays. I used to go to hospital. My earliest memory of a hospital was in Malta when I had my tonsils removed at about the age of 7. I remember being terrified because my Mother was made to go home in the evenings and I was left alone in a private room with the door closed. How traumatic for any child! At 47 I still cringe at this memory and have made it my policy to stay with my kids if they need me in hospital.

Most of my operations have been to remove lumps - hence the title of this blog. I call them lumps because the word tumour makes some people break out in a sweat. The word tumour is so scary to some people  as many associate tumours with cancer. Therefore out of respect for their delicate feelings I call my tumours lumps

Over the years I have had lumps removed from most areas of my body. Some have required a few hours in hospital, some overnight and occasionally for the big stuff longer. Lumps seem to be my thing. Its what I do and have done all my life.I am a professional lump grower. The reason for the lumps was largely unclear for most of my life.

Until 2010 when my father who has too much time  on his hands diagnosed me with Cowdens disease. My father is a very clever man and the only person I know who could diagnose me with a disease no other doctor in the state had apparently ever heard of. They either pretended they knew or they were honest and said they had never heard of it. Sometimes they looked embarrassed that I knew something which they obviously didn't.

Cowdens disease increases your risk of cancer and your risk of benign tumours ( sorry lumps). My diagnosis was met with horror by my family. My mother refused to believe it existed preferring to think it was a figment of our imagination. I know however that she googled it because she started calling it the Cow, in a tone which was half hissed and half spat.

For me with the diagnosis there was finally a reason for a lifetime of medical attention. This attention continues today. In the last seven years I have had my thyroid, both breasts, uterus, ovaries and appendix removed. Each operation started with a lump or two or three. Most have been benign. All have been a stress.

Removing all my girly bits upset me more than anything else. I asked my plastic surgeon one day how I could really be a woman with no boobs, no uterus and no ovaries. I will always remember his response cos I wanted to smack him one! You will always be a woman cos you will always nag like one! Charming.

If there is a good thing about Cowdens it has been joining an online support group of people who all have Cowdens like me. It is amazing how you can feel so close to people you have never met and most likely will never meet. Anytime of the day or night there is somebody who listens, offers advice or just a friendly chat. There's Robert who is like Papa bear, Sarah, Lori, Tawny, Tibby, Mary, Lisa and a host of others. I am linked to all of them by the Cow and for once I am not feeling so alone.