WOW this is my 200th post. Who would have believed it when I started writing my blog, that I would still be going strong with over 3000 followers, three years later. Thank you all so much!
While doing some research on the number 200, I found that in the bible the symbolic meaning of 200 is of "insufficiency". So it is quite ironic that at this milestone post a writing group prompt this week is " I am enough". At the ripe old age of almost 50 what better time to discuss my sufficiency or insufficiency?
So, AM I ENOUGH?
When I look back over my 200 posts they are littered with examples of insufficiency - too sick, too old, too fat, not enough money, no time to relax, no time to catch up with people and so on. The list could go on and on. But what I've learned in my forties is that these phrases only serve to make you feel insufficient. It's almost like there is a raised bar you have to reach for everything, and each time you fail to reach it, the self esteem fairies assault you and remind you that you are lacking. You are not enough. Here are some examples:
No time to catch up with old friends? Shame on you!
Eating toasted sandwiches for dinner! Oh the horror!
Had a day in your pyjamas and watched Netflix? What a waste of time!
Don't have the latest gadget? Social oblivion for you!
5kg overweight? You are so lazy.
Get the picture?
I'm not sure why we do this to ourselves. Who on earth is keeping tabs anyway? Another thing I've learned is that people you think may be judging you are too busy judging themselves. It's like when you walk into a gym and hide at the back so that the toned gym junkies don't critique you. In reality they are too focused on their own perceived failings to really care what you look like, or how badly you do on the cross trainer.
My last ten years have been harrowing and anyone who follows my blog or knows me personally will not deny this. But I hope that despite all the events that I have written about in my 200 posts, that people see beyond the scars, the illness, the fears and yes even the whinges. I hope they see a woman who has grown to accept her situation and has come to terms with it.
Turning 50 is a milestone.
Writing 200 blog posts is also a milestone.
The biggest milestone however is reaching a point in your life where you accept what life has dealt you and you make the best of it. This is totally reflected by my favourite quote which I've mentioned many times in my 200 posts: WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS, MAKE LEMONADE. This quote reminds me that I don't need more of anything and I don't need to be more. I just need to carry on doing my best with what I have and realise that I am enough, just as I am.
Till next time...xxx