THE GUILT TRIP

There is nothing like sitting outside a Jenny Craig office in the dark of the night eating a gelato. Somehow the location makes the ice cream taste so much better. Not that we make a habit of it, but last night when the temperature was still so high, cooking was the last thing on my to do list. So, the husband and I went on a search for a pub meal and this of course had to be followed up with ice cream. Why the only decent ice cream in this town is next door to a Jenny Craig office is perplexing, but maybe not if you are Jenny Craig.

I am finally starting to enjoy my mandated time off from work and surprise, surprise I have felt really well. I have felt guilty, but I am working on that. Every morning when the guilts attack and I feel I should be getting dressed and going to a job, I practice saying " oh look there's that guilt feeling again" and distancing myself from the thought, as I simultaneously turn over and return to sleep. Its starting to work!

Its a strange thing this guilt thing. Like this morning I did my housework and hung out the washing while still wearing PJ's. I felt guilty and wrong the whole time. What if someone called in? What if I suddenly had to go to hospital and I was still in my PJ's? What would people think of me wearing pajamas at 10 am?

In all honesty where do these things come from? I think in my case its probably from my " one shall not wear nightwear during daytime" mother. It is the second rule after " thou shall not return to bed till the sun sets". The bed rule doesn't work with me. I grab at any opportunity (within reason) to renew my love affair with my pillow.

Not being at a paid job is really uncomfortable for some people. This morning I had to explain to at least two people that no I wasn't on a day off , I was on a year off. They usually go quiet when I say this and I can almost read their minds. Some people think " oh my God she has cancer again, should I ask? ". Others think " how are you affording to live/have you won Lotto?". Usually there is an uncomfortable silence till I decide whether I will or will not put people out of their misery. I usually don't these days cos its nobody's business really.

There are many advantages to not being at a day job. You get parking at the shops, You get early appointments everywhere. You can watch day time TV and you can have a nap with nobody knowing about it. Its all good really. Won't bore you with the negatives.

Till next time...