THE LONGEST WAIT

It's the longest wait ever.  I feel like I've been walking down a very long pier and every time I get to the end, the pier unfolds another length. That's how it's been all day with first 7.30am, then 12.00 and then finally 3.00pm as the start times for surgery.

And now I'm lying in my bed in the place I've started calling home and I'm immobile. I can not move. I am incapable of thought other than what I am typing. I refuse to think about what is going on in that theatre. It's just too painful and every time I try bile rises. So I don't try and instead I just type and I cry and I type and I cry some more. It's in God's hands,  I've said it before, but that belief doesn't stem the waterworks which burst every so often.

The husband is pacing and not making much sense. Stress is etched into his face and I see how he has been aged by all this. There is only so much more we can take and I suspect we are dangerously close to that limit. And yet continue we must, because she is too young for all this and while the doctors have options we must manage the stress and look older than our years if we have too.

One hour down and at least seven to go. I am momentarily distracted by things such as texts, TV and food. But it's only momentary and reality fights it's way back in. I try to imagine what's going on in that theatre but all I get is a merged picture of my own experiences and Greys Anatomy.  At least I suppose there are some similarities- Mc Dreamy (check), Mc Steamy (check). I put that in for the FED. SHE will like that line and it will make her laugh.

And just to show you that our lives are scripted for a TV blockbuster, we get a phone call to say they never started surgery. THEY NEVER STARTED BECAUSE AN EMERGENCY CAME IN. She has been cancelled till tomorrow.  Words fail me. Words absolutely fail me. I can't believe they took her to theatre and then cancelled AGAIN.

Next stop lunatic asylum. New patient ME.

Till next time. Xx