DOCTORS, HANDBALL AND BOOKS

This week the topic of loss has been on my mind. It all started with an appointment with the neurologist which I had put off while the F.E.D was in hospital. I have a bad habit of thinking about organs I have lost while waiting for specialist appointments. I think its inner fear speaking, as in " what will be next?". The count so far is thyroid, breasts, uterus, ovaries, appendix and many other chunks from all over. I should be safe at the neurologist - surely I won't lose my brain??!! Some would say that's gone already!

 Anyway, it looks like my brain is safe ...it always was by the way... but my doctors keep playing handball with me about other parts. One says you have lumps in your chest. We need to send you to Dr so and so to check them out. Dr so and so takes one look at them and says "out of my area of expertise.You need to go back". I feel like saying " You're driving me nuts. Wake me up when you're done messing about."

This is what its like to have Cowdens. Every lump has to be investigated. Every doctor is never sure what to do and I guess worried if they tell me to " watch and wait" and it turns out to be sinister after all. Its enough to make anyone lose their mind but its a side effect in an era of litigation. Every doctor is desperate to cover his or her butt!

Doctors are good at filling up time while they collude and decide what to do with you. 
" Let's have another MRI and see what's happening". Err sorry doc its not going to TELL you what to do. You will have to make a decision eventually.

OR

" Let's do a blood test and see what's going on". That usually kills off half a day (because they can never find a vein in me) and it buys them some time.

Anyway while they work out what they are going to do with these two lumps, I have come home and brought the F.E.D home too. I haven't been home in a month and its so good to sleep in my own bed and do normal stuff like sleeping in and cooking. I was going insane sleeping in that creaky bed in the girl's unit.

The other thing I have decided to do while I have come home is to start putting some of my blogs together into a book format to try and get it published. This is in response to the encouragement I have received from many people. Not sure I am doing the right thing here. Not sure there is the sort of market for my sort of dribble but hey nothing ventured, nothing gained. I have nothing to lose! If I do manage to convince some publisher, at least I know I can sell five copies (Mum, Dad, the husband and my two girls!). To sell none would be shame!

 

Thanks for the encouragement Snoopy!

Till next time...xxx