I STILL DO

Men are peculiar creatures! Apologies to anyone who takes offence to this but it's true. Allow me to enlighten you why I have formed such an opinion.

With our 23rd wedding anniversary looming and having been apart from the husband a lot in the last year, I thought we could do with a treat. Excitedly I ran my idea past him ( mistake number 1) - hotel, massage, dinner, king size bed, buffet breakfast - only to have my idea dismissed instantly on the grounds of cost. I was devastated. He didn't even stop to think. He just said no, not interested.

Like any good female whose efforts have been thwarted, I immediately started sulking:

I ( the love of his life) was not deemed worthy of such a treat.
I ( the mother of his children) was not worth the money for a night in a lovely hotel.
I ( his partner of many years) was not good enough to take to a special place...
Chuck in a bit of pouting and a sad face.
You get the picture!

When consulted my sisters nodded their collective heads in agreement.
"This was disgraceful!"
"This was so mean. 23years was worth something special!"
"What a fantastic opportunity and a great price...so economical. Could he not appreciate the effort you have put in to get this deal?"

My father took one look at me and said "you're a sook". I ignored him.

My daughter encouraged me to buy a bottle of wine to share with the husband when he arrived. I told her if the husband was being a meanie all he was getting was a bottle of water, in one of the many used water bottles congregating in my car. I was not happy and in total princess mode.

The husband arrived after his long drive, and delighted to see me promptly fell asleep. He did actually look really tired, enough so the part of me that can never stay angry at him long enough took over. Suddenly the wine seemed like a good idea and I started wondering what I could whip up for dinner. Peace reigned while he slept and I sort of got over it.

When he woke at 5.30 pm ( the time is critical here), he complained of a back ache and asked if I could drive him down the road for a massage ( mistake number 2).

"To a massage?", I said in a disbelieving tone.

" And what time are we going to that hotel ( time 5.40 pm) ?" he continued.

WHAT!!!!!! WHAT DID YOU SAY?????

He assumed I would have booked it anyway.
He thought it was a good idea.
He wanted to go.

I wanted to strangle him...slowly.

So while the love of my life and the father of my children was having his aches and pains beaten out of him by a woman a third of his weight, I set about trying to procure a booking. I sat in my car on my phone ( no internet on iPad due to another budgetary wisdom from the husband) , in near dark TRYING TO MAKE A BOOKING FOR A PACKAGE THAT WE WERE FOUR HOURS LATE FOR AND COUNTING.

Of course the package deal had expired.
Of course I had to pay more.
Of course I had to fill out forms in microscopic font in the dark.
And of course when I came to the final part ( credit card details) I had left my purse at home. I was so angry I almost exploded.

At roughly the same moment a much improved, more relaxed husband returned to the car ( mistake number 3). He couldn't understand why I hadn't made the booking.

 I mentally added torture before strangling.

We went home (6.30pm).
We booked the more expensive package and much to the children's amusement we left for the hotel. The FED teased us with the sort of advice we would normally give herself and her sister.

And that is how we ended up (7.30pm), five and a half hours late, in a very nice hotel with a stunning view and nice food and a king size bed!!! I have mentally registered the lack of massage on my part and will store it away for a future disagreement.

Happy anniversary Mr T . Thoroughly enjoyed our special time together.

Love you lots.

Till next time xxx...