A NIGHTMARE FIVE WEEKS

It's been five long weeks since I posted anything to my blog. In that time I have been through hell and back and it is only now with a bit of light visible at the end of the tunnel, that I feel a bit stronger emotionally to talk about it.

Without wanting to load you up with boring detail, let's just say I was booked in for a simple surgical procedure on my stomach. This surgery was straightforward with 1% risk of something going wrong. I should have known that I'd be that 1%. The surgery was a disaster and I came out with a perforated stomach and fluids leaking into my abdomen.

I have never known such pain and yet now I will never forget.

One surgery became three in three days. I was transferred to another hospital where specialists used to fixing these issues existed. I was delirious with fear, drugs and just pain. At one stage I thought I'd been abducted, such is the power of some medications.

I was told healing a gastric leak takes time. I asked how long and was told the longest he knew was six months. I couldn't take this in. I suffered panic attacks at the thought of being in hospital for any length of time.

And then I got worse. Pneumonia and pleurisy became serious complications of my condition and I battled on. At one stage I was rushed back to the intensive care unit and theatre for almost a litre of fluid to be drained off my lungs. It feels surreal to even write about it.

The drugs continued. I could not swallow so everything was intravenously. Even food. It is currently five weeks since I have eaten food and tasted texture and flavour. I never knew this was possible but tube feeds ensured I was fed some concoction straight into my intestinal tract. Horrible stuff but it kept me going.

Then more procedures started to fix the tear. A seal was placed in the tear to block it up. It was successful for three days and then my body eliminated it and I went backwards again. A week later the surgeon triple blocked it and so far so good.

Healing a stomach takes time. The other day my body decided it didn't like my feeding tube so it simply fell out. I feared another trip to theatre to reinsert, but the surgeon moved me instead onto protein rich fluids, one of which has the texture of sputum. Next will come thicker fluids, then purée, then finally soft food. I feel like a baby being trained up.

I crave the taste and smell of food. I desparately want scrambled eggs, pumpkin soup, avocado, smoked salmon. I am hungry but I have to play the waiting game.

The question of why this happened is never far from my mind. When I am well conversations will be had and hopefully some answers will be given. But for the moment, healing only.

So six procedures in five weeks and a seventh soon.
Five weeks since I had my initial operation and still in hospital.
Buoyed along by friends and family to whom I am grateful.
Eternally confused as to why I always need to be the one who does things the hardest way possible.

Much love...xxxST