CHRONICLES OF A LUMPY PERSON: #connection

The theme for this month's #1000 SPEAK FOR COMPASSION is CONNECTION. And already like last month, when challenged with a topic somebody else chose, I find myself staring at a blank computer screen, willing the ideas to flow. All I can think of is that in my youth there was a gay nightclub called Connections and I don't quite think that knowledge is going to help me fill a post!

So, once again I check out the writing prompts (no...I'm not cheating) and there it is - staying connected with children, with family, with friends. Now we're talking!

Me and the princesses - rare occasion all together. I must have been paying!

Some days I feel that somewhere along the way I won a lead role as a yo-yo, because that's what my life feels like. I yo-yo from one place to another. One moment I'm in Perth with the children and my

extended family, next I'm in Geraldton with my husband and his family. Occasionally if I can make it happen I catch up with friends. That's a hard one because schedules often don't match( especially if you have children), and it's easy for weeks, months and years to suddenly pass.

There are many meanings for the word " connection" including apparently a supplier of narcotics if you're North American! The words I like however are bond and link. So, the question for me is to think about what I do to stay linked to people I want to remain connected to.

First thing is that staying connected is a two way task. I have had friendships I valued, where often I realised that I was the only one putting in the effort. In reality there was no value in those friendships. People who want to stay connected to you do. They make space in their busy schedule and make it happen - a text here, a call there, a quick coffee or drink. I have learnt to let some people "go". By that I mean I might make occasional contact but I no longer feel the need to be connected or feel upset if they don't reciprocate. Its just not worth it.

I have to admit social media helps in most other situations.

For example, there are times when if it wasn't for Facebook and text messaging, I wouldn't connect with my younger daughter at all, such is the busy life she leads. But its all I need when we're not in the same place. The phone is better. Herself in person is even better. BUT staying connected via social media with her helps and I am ever so grateful for the technology. I just want to know how she is doing. She might be 18 but to me that's still so young and I worry.

Mum with youngest grandchild

Staying connected with parents involves more effort because often they don't use the social media we have become accustomed to. Take my mother for example - she hates Facebook. I've never really worked out why, but I do understand that for her if she can't see me in person, its my voice she wants to hear. Funnily enough though, she is competent with e-mails and texts so that's an option. But real connection with my mother does not involve technology unless it's a kettle and of course coffee and cake.My father does occasionally venture into Facebook but even after many years has no idea how it or "his stupid phone, not his smart phone" work. Technology and social media are great but not the best for staying connected with all people. Dad, I'll visit soon I promise!

Staying connected with my husband when I'm away is the hardest job of all. His texts are usually one word when I'm wanting sentences, paragraphs, essays even. The odd " I love you" or " I miss you" never hurts either instead of:

Me: Good morning
Him: Morning.
Me: How are you?
Him: Good
Me: What are you doing today?
Him: Working

There are also long pauses on the phone. Eg he will watch TV, with me on the other end of the phone
waiting for him to speak. He is so frustrating especially when I know how much he can chatter on the phone,when its to someone else. He is slightly better when he can see you. Thank you Skype and Facetime because I would probably have done something bad to him by now. Life is definitely more connected when we are in the same house together, but circumstances (long story) mean we are often apart and that makes me sad. Sometimes when I'm home we go out on date night ( dinner and movie)
and I always sit and have a cup of tea with him when he gets home every day. It takes effort and commitment to stay connected to your partner. I don't think a lot of people get that.

The hardest connection of all is with myself.

Those who are regular readers of my blog " Chronicles of a Lumpy Person" will know the hard times I've been through and the never ending struggle to stay on top of things. Learning to connect with myself involves maintaining strong beliefs and faith, learning to self care without guilt and for me blogging! These are all ongoing works in progress and focus on my strengths not weaknesses.

So, I suppose the link between compassion and connection is really quite simple. Compassion comes from Italian "con passione" meaning with love. Connection is an act of love. How you link the two may vary from situation to situation. Its not always easy to stay connected.