During my writing something has frequently crossed my mind. When someone you know has an illness or is going through some misfortune, I have always felt that making contact and offering help is the proper action to take. But what happens (like in our case) where our lives are a nonstop barrage of illnesses and misfortunes? What are people supposed to say or do then? I'm acutely aware that people must find us a bit hard sometimes. What do you say to us? What do you do for us? I have found in the last few years that its too hard for some people and they simply start to move away from us.
I know that often they move away not because they no longer care but because they don't know HOW to care the twentieth time round. OR they are scared of saying or doing the wrong thing. And I suppose scared you should be because in these situations emotions are often fragile, patience is limited and thoughtless comments are not easily tolerated. I myself admit to distancing myself from those who say the wrong thing at times when I have been at my lowest.I miss the company of these people but I don't miss their lack of empathy. Only time will tell if those friendships can be salvaged, but at this rate too much water will have passed under the bridge for this to happen.
The correct thing to do when people are going through ongoing drama is to stay in contact. I emphasise this is my opinion but its one based on considerable experience. But there are some guidelines here, an etiquette which needs to be observed. No matter how good a friend you are, immediate family must come first. In our case the husband and I have nine siblings between us. Add in grandparents and our other daughter (who is priority number one) and you'll understand how hard it is to maintain contact with other people when a situation is playing out.
So what can you do if you find yourself in this situation? Firstly, do not take offence to any lack of contact from those experiencing the drama. Appreciate how physically and mentally exhausted they are. It is your job to keep in contact if you value the friendship - text, send an email, leave the occasional message on Facebook, send a card, drop over a meal in crisis times, offer to do shopping...you'll think of something. It's not hard!
And I'm not sure if you know this or have experienced this yourself but sometimes the period soon after coming home from hospital can be just as hard. I think you cope during the drama with adrenalin and then it's over for a while and you crash. That's when a visitor who turns up with a bottle of wine or chocolate and company can be such a help.
I really never set out to write this but now it's done I hope it helps someone. Next time someone has a death in the family or is going through a medical drama, make contact. Reach out to them in whatever way you can. Do not say " I'll call you when everything's over". For some people ( like my family) there is no end date. Reach out now. Who knows? You might make someone's day.
Till next time...xxx
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