CHRONICLES OF A LUMPY PERSON: nurturing

Once again I am participating in the #1000 speak movement which continues to grow each month world wide. There are now over 1500 bloggers and blogs world wide and I am proud to say that CHRONICLES OF A LUMPY PERSON is one of these blogs.
The first topic two months ago was compassion. You may like to re -read my post at some time: http://lumpyone.blogspot.com.au/2015/02/1000-speak-1000-voices-for-compassion.html

This months topic is NURTURING and I have chosen to use one of the given writing prompts - How do you nurture your mental health in stressful times?- as my topic.

I find the writing prompt hard from the word go, but I persist regardless.

The word "nurturing" to me conjures up images of serene mothers nursing their perfect bundles of joys. It makes me think of cuddles, hugs, time with kids and love.

Every image that comes to mind is of nurturing my children - nurturing their brain through school and homework,their spirituality through religion, their physical growth through dancing and other exercise, their social growth in relationships and their creativity through music, craft, singing.The list is endless really.

But surprisingly to me, not one image of me nurturing myself appears automatically. Every image I can think of is of me nurturing someone else. How therefore am I going to write about this topic? How can I write about nurturing my mental health in stressful times, if I can't think of one example of nurturing myself AT ALL?

Was I always this bad?

No, I think there was a time when I was better. I used to read lots, journal frequently and have an active social life. I attended church ( still do) to nurture spiritual health and was involved in youth committees and various clubs. Hmm - that's better, but big problem, that was when I was a university student back in the 80s. That's ages ago! What's happened since?

Well I got married ... and it was all about nurturing my marriage and my husband and our dreams . Good stuff! So, early 90s I was still into nurturing. Yes., but then we had kids and it became all about them. And somewhere in the myriad of events that constitute parenting, I stopped nurturing myself enough. I got too busy to worry about ME.

For those who follow my blog, my health issues are well documented. I have a rare disease called Cowdens syndrome which increases my risk of cancer tremendously. To date I have had numerous operations of a severe nature and basically been to hell and back. Yes, I've nurtured myself by ensuring my physical health was looked after, but my mental health...never gave that a moments thought. In fact I think I tried inadvertently to nurture myself by taking on more and more and more at work. It didn't work. My mental health declined at a rapid rate due to my lack of self care.

One day at work ( I'm a teacher), it finally all came to a head when I yelled at a student. It wasn't the

sort of behaviour I'm known for and I was shocked. I had never in twenty years plus of teaching yelled at a student in such a manner. I was disgusted with myself, but had the good sense to realise my body
was sending me the message that if I didn't stop, nurture and self care, I
was on the verge of a breakdown.

Other family circumstances finally decided that I needed this mental health break. My daughter became severely ill and required me to be around more often. She needed to be nurtured and cared for.

I don't need to tell you that the last two years since her diagnosis have been very stressful and my mental health has taken a FURTHER battering. So, how have I nurtured my mental health in this time? Truth of the matter is that the answer is " very badly".

The best thing I have done is to see a psychologist regularly. She has been working with me to give me skills to manage the unique situation my family is under. The common theme is always self care. I need to self care - nurture myself! Really? How?

Learning to self care is a work in progress. Years of working to certain schedules and standards are hard to unlearn. For example - sleeping in! I have never, ever in my adult life had a chance to have a sleep in. Its always been get up for work, kids, school or just because its routine. When you are physically and mentally exhausted as I have been, your body is tired and you need to sleep. Sounds easy? Go to sleep you say! Well, not so easy when that little voice in your head tells you that you are lazy, that its not OK to still be in bed at 10am, that you need to be making the most of every minute.

Another example is spending money on yourself. I'll use my husband as an example because he is also making inroads into learning to nurture himself. He has had a sore shoulder all his life. He has done very little about this shoulder ever. Add in the stress of having both wife and child with chronic illnesses and pain exacerbates. He has been having regular massages and its helping so much. He is giving his body what it needs - care and attention...and hang the cost!

Here are a few things I am working on.

I know what is important to me - myself, my family, my health, my religion. These are the values that are important to me - love, support, loyalty, care, respect. Working on all these at once is too hard so small goals are important and trying to line up my values and goals is important in achieving the goals. It motivates you...but its still hard, which I why I said " very badly" above. Actually that's a bit harsh - maybe I should say " a work in progress".

One of the reason this is a work in progress is because I am too quick to fall into past habits - eg other people's opinions still affect me too much and I have to learn to willingly accept these feelings without feeling bad that my values and goals differ.So in simple terms it might mean that in order to achieve my goals I may have to be mindful that other peoples opinions, actions, feelings may conflict with mine and accept that without feeling bad. Phew that's hard!

Take my blog for example. Its another way my psychologist and I have developed of nurturing myself. I love writing and I feel great putting my thoughts down on screen or on paper. Not everyone feels the same about my blog and they all have their reasons. Their reasons upset me and make me feel worse and that defeats the self care I am trying to achieve. My challenge is to take their comments on board and register them simply as someone else's opinion and move on. As I said, its all a work in progress. Its hard.

Nurturing is not easy when your mental health is strained, but its not an unachievable goal. One of the books that really helps me is The Happiness Trap Pocketbook by Dr Russ Harris and Bev Aisbett. Check it out if you're interested.

Off to read other #1000speak posts. The collective wisdom of the blogging world awaits.

Till next time ...xxx