RHYTHM OF MY HEART

I have just returned from the big city YET AGAIN. I have done that trip so many times in recent years, the car knows its own way there and back. For those of you not familiar with Australia, its a four and a half hour trip to Perth from my town... each way. Its long and mainly boring. Sometimes you see good stuff eg I recently saw a family of emus trying to cross the busy road. But otherwise its mind numbingly boring. Just me driving over four hundred kilometres... singing to Rod Stewart at the top of my voice!!! Bet you wish you could hear that!!

Anyway, the reason for this trip was that it was the FED's (favourite eldest daughter's) checkup. She was scheduled for an MRI later on that night at 8pm plus a checkup the following afternoon. We all felt rather anxious wondering what news this MRI would reveal. Best case scenario the fistula would have shrivelled even more. Worst case scenario, regrowth.

 So its 8 pm and I'm sitting in a dark carpark at the hospital in pouring rain. I am starting to feel the effects of the long trip so the girls have gone in together leaving me to rest. I think its probably better because grumpiness is mingling in with the tiredness. Don't blame me! I am missing X Factor which I love. Who schedules these things for 8pm? Ridiculous. Unfortunately this means I missed seeing her dressed like a yellow Wiggle but oops...maybe someone got a photo!


The following morning anxiety was at a high. She looks so well but unless its reflected in the MRI we're not having a party yet.

Dr HS is running around chasing his tail. His hair is out of place..." not a good start", I whisper to my daughter. He then tells us we are early before realising he has lost an hour. This sort of behaviour normally annoys me from professionals but this doctor saved my daughter's life. He can dribble as much nonsense as he pleases and keep me waiting as long as he pleases.

And finally the verdict. There is no more improvement BUT there has been no worsening of the situation. That is excellent news. The situation has gone from critical to low grade, but he doesn't want to give the fistula any chance to regrow so it will be back to surgery early September, to hopefully chop out whatever is left.


We expected this.
We knew there would be more.
Look for the positives.
We are in a better place than 12 months ago.
Damn you fistula...why can't you just shrivel up and die???

So with four weeks to surgery I decide to head back home and leave both girls to fend for themselves.  They are getting better at managing for themselves and are both busy with their studies and their friends. I try to dismiss feelings of not being needed. I know its not true but I can't help it. One minute they rely on you so totally, the next they are driving, cooking for themselves and manoeuvering through life's pitfalls.Wouldn't have it any other way but give me a moment to feel sorry for myself...please.

Till next time...xxx