THE ART OF TALKING

A few years ago I had a young indigenous boy in my Home Economics class who had limited spoken English and zero concept of time as dictated by clocks and calendars. He was part of the football academy at the college and was much better at football than English, or Home Economics for that matter.

One day the following conversation took place. I have told this story so many times it has taken on legendary status in my family, with the girls able to repeat it word for word.

Me: Are you in class next Monday?

R: Mebbe ( he means "maybe"... for the uninitiated).

Me: Aren't you going on camp?

R: Mebbe

Me: When is camp?

R: Mebbe Monday.(ie has no idea)

Me: So you WON'T be in class Monday?

R: Hmmm....mebbe (still has no idea).

Me: ( changing topic as getting nowhere quickly) - Do you like Home Ec?

R: (Quick nod of the head).

Me: Why do you like Home Ec?

R: ( Sudden English expert with pearly white teeth and megawatt smile emerges) - COS I GET ME A FEED!!!!

Absolute classic story and one which still brings such a smile to my face every time I replay it in my head. It's also a typical teenager story where words are used minimally, unless there's something in it for them or they too are channelling their inner English expertise. The latter only happens when some mere mortal ( usually a parent or teacher) has pushed their buttons one too many times.

Good morning

Grunt.

Did you sleep well

Grunt.

Would you like some breakfast?

Grunt and quick nod of head.

Do you really need to be on your phone at this time of the morning?

Cue sudden English expert! (aka torrential verbal downpour).

I come from a long line of conversationalists. I am Maltese by background and I don't think I have ever met a Maltese person with an inability to strike up a conversation. Well, certainly not in my family anyway!

When my extended family is together there is no grunting, no nods of the head and no need to channel inner English expertise, as we are all professors. We talk at the tops of our voices, over each other and all at once. We laugh hysterically and talk with our hands at all times. I will never forget an Australian friend who visited Malta and on his return said " I understand you all better now. Everyone over there was just the same!"

( Hmm - note to self - did he think we were abnormal before???)

When I started teaching I used to get in trouble for talking too loudly and too forcefully. My boss regularly reprimanded me, but I could never
figure out what was wrong as I spoke the same way to everyone. Advantages - I never needed a microphone at assembly or on excursions. Disadvantage - kids were entranced by my hands and spent more time watching my hands " talk" than listening to what I was actually saying.

The art of conversation seems to be dying out. You can now order a pizza, book a GP appointment, make dinner reservations without speaking to anyone. You can order clothes online and even have a fight with someone all without opening your mouth. And the bit that makes me laugh - in a new relationship first you get to know each other online and then use of voice is stage 2...if at all!

I took the girls out for breakfast last Friday. We sat down and both automatically reached for their phones. Risking an explosion of " sudden English expertise", I asked them to put their phones away. They took a couple of extra minutes and then obliged. And it was lovely. I love hearing about what's going on in their lives and minds and seeing the repartee between them. They make me laugh so much. You don't get body language with texting and stupid emoticons.

This coming weekend my family will be welcoming our young cousin who is arriving for an extended stay from Malta. Warning Australia...the noise levels are going to get louder and there are going to be more hands flying around everywhere. My vocal chords and hands are ready for a good workout! Duck for cover folks!

And finally...I'll leave you with this.

John Wayne was obviously NOT Maltese.

Till next time...xxx