YES... I'M BUSY LOOKING AFTER ME!

A lot of people have asked me how I keep myself busy now I'm not working. Its an innocent question I suppose, but one that nevertheless makes me feel that I'm  being judged. For the record, I am busy and I am not bored.

Life is however a lot different.

Let's look at a few things, starting with the kids. When I left them in the city at the start of the year I was heartbroken. I still miss them terribly but am no longer heartbroken.Thanks to technology my kids are with me 24/7. If anything, I have more communication with them now than before. Let me give you an example. There is the landline, the mobile, texting, Facebook, messenger, face time and Skype. My daughters use them all and one of them is capable of using all seven in one day (guess which one!). I forgot snail mail...she has been known to use that too. No, I actually talk to them more now than when they lived at home and all I got was the odd teenage grunt. Maybe its because they're growing up or maybe absence DOES make the heart grow fonder.

Another change is that when I worked full time, I used to have a cleaning lady. That freed me up quite a bit back then. No cleaning lady now and though I will always miss you Jasmine,  I do a lot more housework now. I actually quite enjoy it. Those cupboards I have wanted to clean for ages - done! Those clothes I wanted to sort out and give to charity for years - done! New blinds in the bedroom. Only took 20 years but done too!

So, that's also keeping me busy!

Another change is that I used to cook a lot, both at school and at home. But these days I keep it really simple and only when necessary. The husband was looking for something to have with a cup of tea the other day. Poor thing hadn't eaten for two hours and he was withering away. 

There was unfortunately nothing sweet to have and he's not used to that. I always used to bake, but I rarely do now unless its a one bowl creation. I don't have time or interest any longer and am much more aware of the connection between health and food these days. I also am aware of my own limitations eg with no kids at home either the husband or I will eat the whole batch of biscuits or the cake. No thank you.

( Incidentally, before I have an uprising of the six sisters in law, I always cook a healthy dinner. He is very well looked after!)

I suppose where there was a full time teaching job there is now my writing and my blog. I am administrator for two Facebook pages - COWDENS SYNDROME AUSTRALIA and CHRONICLES OF A LUMPY PERSON. (Yes, I'm on Facebook if you didn't know that before!). I also belong to a couple more Cowdens support groups and a number of blogging groups on Google plus. I try not to sit on my butt too long, but some of these pages and groups are so interesting. And, reading other peoples blogs is addictive. Honestly, try it.

Other changes?

Well, I am a poor sleeper. Now, I can sleep in and have a nanna nap during the day if necessary. No more struggling to work exhausted. Stress and tumour growth go hand in hand for me.
I have time to sit in town with a coffee and think or meet someone for a coffee if I want to. Quiet time in a sometimes chaotic life.
I can go for a walk anytime I like...yes family, I do walk.

I can watch Ellen and the midday movie. I don't really do that much but I can if I want to.
I can go out with the husband to see a movie and have a meal. We do that once a fortnight now. We didn't do it once a year when the kids were growing up.
I am starting some community service soon and I am looking forward to meeting a few new people.
Best thing, I can drop it all in a few minutes and drive to the city if needed and if there is a medical crisis. That reduces the stress on me a lot.

Yes, life is different. The challenge for me according to my psychologist is to care for myself in this way and to do it all without feeling guilty. I'm working on that, but its taking time. My whole self worth is tied into having a job and earning money. Its hard to change those feelings overnight, but its harder to maintain my old pace AND deal with all the crises this family has faced ... without eventually falling apart.

Hope your self care is good. If anything here makes you think about yourself, my job is done!!!!

Till next time...xxx