HOUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM

So they say silence is deafening. Obviously by the amount of private messages I have received in the last 24 hours some of you sense that something is not right. And you are right. Once more we have encountered a hurdle in what is our never ending race to the finish line.

For some reason Friday didn't feel right. The FED ( favourite eldest daughter) was nervous about her procedure and she is never normally nervous. I didn't want to leave the hospital during the procedure. I don't normally think twice about leaving.

Yes, Friday felt odd.

The plan was that the doctor would ring after the angiogram and tell us whether he could or couldn't sort out the second fistula. Three hours into the procedure and we had no phone call. I assumed that he had just carried on after the angiogram and felt some relief that the procedure was possible.

And then came the phone call with my daughter sobbing at the other end. In performing the angiogram a nodule had "lit up" on her thyroid. Dr HS said it needed to be biopsied and that it had to be done while she was off anticoagulants. If he continued working, a biopsy would not be possible.She was back on the ward with fistula still present.

Nothing wrenches at my heart more, than my children sobbing their eyes out.

And of course being mere mortals we all immediately think of the worst. We rattle off all the thyroid problems on both sides of the family and yes there are many, so we feel worse. And then on top of the family history there is my Cowdens which gives you an increased risk of thyroid cancer. Of course, that doesn't mean you'll get it. I never did.

 Plus I'm pretty sure it's predominantly males with CS who get thyroid cancer.

I'm babbling because I'm overwrought with mental and physical exhaustion.I'm thinking and talking out loud to try and make her feel better...to try and make us all feel better.

Dr HS arrives and runs through everything for me and the husband. I hear everything and take in nothing. All I can think about is that this child is a carbon copy of me and that my nodules were benign. Please God let hers be too. Enough is enough.

So, this week is an unknown. We will meet a new doctor and a new department and we will deal with this hiccup as best we can.

Then we can get back to the brain.

Till next time...xxx