THINGS I WAS NEVER TOLD ABOUT MEN

I was just watching TV and the Morning Show hosts were discussing a celebrity couple who have been married for 24 years. They said that was a "pretty solid" relationship and I agree. The husband and I are at 24 years and I'd like to think we too are solid. Sometimes I joke it's two and a half life sentences and counting ...but only sometimes I promise.

Marriage is hard work and yes that's on both sides dear. But as I can't give you a male perspective, I thought I'd share with you some things I have discovered during marriage. Maybe we could say they are some things no woman ever told ME about MY husband to avoid being accused about generalising.

1. Say you have two bathrooms and say one is blue and one is cream. And let's pretend that you have spent time coordinating accessories to make these bathrooms beautiful. Men don't get that the blue towels are for bathroom A and cream towels are for bathroom B. They will stand proudly because they've put the two towels out ( one of each colour) and not ever consider it a problem that they've just wiped their greasy hands on the towels you have saved for guests. They just don't get it!

2. And say you've spent a fortune on Tupperware and your pantry is beautiful. Every section looks like it came out of the Tupperware catalogue, and you glow with pride when your female friends come round, because you want to create the illusion that you are as organised as your pantry. And say you go away and on your return you just have to stand in shock, because an earthquake has obviously taken place in your absence. Everything is now out of order and all over the place, and is the visual version of a headache. And nestled amongst the sugar which is now in the rice container and rice which is now in the flour container, lie torches, batteries and enough wire to construct a small machine. But that's OK apparently because the shopping has been done and put away. They just don't get it!

3. And let's talk about clothes. Do all men undress all over the house or is it just mine? In the morning there is a trail where he has been. Tracksuit pants are in one room. Top is in another. The following morning the same picture with new items, because he has forgotten where he left yesterday's lot. Is it so hard to undress in the bedroom and leave your clothes there? They just don't get it!

4.  Hubby recently bought me a box of Lindt chocolates for our wedding anniversary. I thought this was so sweet, but as I try to watch my weight, I put them at the top of the pantry where I could grab one occasionally. Bad move. I NEVER saw those chocolates again. I also never saw the cooking chocolate or the emergency pack of biscuits I keep hidden should visitors drop in. Marriage ownership laws are as follows from a male perspective. What's mine is mine and I will hide in my shed while I devour it, in the hope you don't blast me or catch me out. What's yours is ours, if its something I like. And as I pretty much like everything you try to hide, forget it. I will continue to buy you gifts of this nature because I'm a great husband and I like buying my wife chocolates. I will occasionally leave you one white Lindt ball because I am such a good bloke. I don't like white chocolate. It is not flaming chocolate. If it was it would be BROWN!!! They just don't get it!

5. And while we are on the subject of food, I hate to tell you this but men don't care about food as long as they get to eat the bloody stuff. Many times I have plated up something special and waited for a compliment. And waited...and waited to no avail. But try serving up quinoa and you will never hear the end of it. Try also making him muesli bars to minimise the processed junk he eats and he will tell

you how yummy they are, and eat them all plus the commercial muesli bars. Try accidentally on purpose not buying the muesli bars and he will make a special trip to Woolworths to buy some. Try getting him to go to Woolworths with you on any other day and you would have more luck watching grass grow. They just don't get it!

6. Which brings me to something else which grows - hair. Why is it that they can not see that your hair has changed colour since the morning? Why is it they can't see that your head is perfectly groomed? And if you bring up the topic they try to suck up to you saying "you always look nice. Why would I notice?" Yet they'll always find the cost on the credit card bill and tell you how it cost $20 to cut his hair so why is mine so much? They just don't get it do they?

Yes, folks marriage is not for the faint hearted. It requires patience, patience and more patience. And the occasional bit of "head banging" on the walls - preferably his head not yours!

Love you hubby

Till next time...xxx