DIARY OF AN INSOMNIAC REVISITED

Months ago I wrote about my challenges with sleeping. If you want to read that post, the link is http://lumpyone.blogspot.com.au/2015/08/diary-of-insomniac.html. Well, I'm devastated to report that nothing has changed since then...nothing...nothing...nothing.

# wishfulthinking #not me #wishitwas

Once upon a time in a  land long gone ( teenage land), I used to sleep and I used to sleep well. I can still remember my mother's threats as to what she would do to me if I didn't get my sorry butt out of bed ASAP. I didn't care. I had a serious love affair going with my pillow and as in all love stories it was worth taking a risk.

Fast forward to my "almost fifty year old" body and an accompanying state of chronic insomnia and chronic exasperation. Maybe I should have heeded my mother. Is it possible I used all my sleep allotment in my teenage years? Welcome to another night in my life.

9.30 pm - Getting sleepy. Start thinking sleepy thoughts and muttering positive affirmations that I AM going to sleep and I AM going to sleep well (some bs I picked up somewhere about changing my thinking).
10.00pm - Get into bed and kiss husband goodnight.
10.05pm - Husband is asleep and emitting level 1 snoring.
10.10pm - Get out of bed as forgot to take medication and need to use bathroom again.
10.15 pm - Back in bed.

10.30pm - Hear a creaking noise. Worry that we are being broken into. For only the millionth time wish Harry (our dog who passed away 2 years ago) was still around. Run through what Harry would have done to any intruder caught on our property. Run through every break in story I've heard of in the last ten years. Note to self - get quotes on more security screens.
11.00 pm - Get up to investigate creaking noise. Its just the pergola creaking. Note to self to ring and get a quote on replacing said pergola.
11.30pm - Level 2 snoring has started from person next to me. I try to relax but it's impossible.
11.35pm - Lying on my back I feel like I am being suffocated by my reconstructed breasts. I feel like I suddenly have two cannonballs strapped to my chest. So I turn to my right and try to relax. Anyone who thinks fake boobs are desirable should try sleeping with them first.
11.36pm - What's that noise? Bug zapper in the kitchen has caught something and the whole house now smells of dead, burnt bug. Note to self - ask husband to move it so I can see the clock behind it. I don't want to touch the dirty thing.
12.00am - Watch clock tick over to a new day.
12.05am - Muscles in my leg start to throb. Maybe I'm imagining it. Maybe I'm dreaming it. Now is not the time for an attack of sciatica.
12.30am - Apparently yes, it is. Weird convolutions in bed as I try to massage my lower back as the physiotherapist taught me. Note to self - make appointment to see him.
1.00am - Get out of bed and go hunting for pain killers. Move every box in the cupboard to reach box of Nurofen at the back. Grab ipad and glasses and retreat to spare room bed.
1.30am - Wide awake so read Facebook, update blog, talk to people in America, check out Instagram.
2.00am - Tablets starting to work and feeling sleepy. Put ipad away.
2.15am - Need to use bathroom.

2.30am - Wonder who else is awake. Consider ringing father who undoubtedly is also awake.
3.00am - Still awake but at least not in pain. Think boring things to try and trick myself into sleeping. Go through personal medical history.
3.15am - Get up to find a blanket. Can't risk closing the window as noise would wake husband on other side of house and we couldn't have that!
4..00am - I think I must have slept.
5.00am - Hear husband's alarm clock. I refuse to open my eyes.
5.15am - Birds are making a racket. It's ok for them. They have slept. Still refuse to open eyes but note to self - consider investing in a cat to scare the birds away.
6.30am - Ignore alarm.
7.00am - Ignore phone call.
7.30am - Ignore another phone call.
8.00am - Ignore texts.
9.00am - Get out of bed. Good morning. Give me coffee and nobody dies...not even the birds.

Till next time...xxx
ST

DIARY OF AN INSOMNIAC

SLEEP and I have a bad relationship, so much so that I am known to sometimes seek out pharmaceutical help, to stop insanity from lack of sleep, developing too early. With the life I lead , insanity IS going to develop, but I would like to prolong the inevitable for as long as I can.

For your enjoyment and understanding let me take you into a typical night in my life. This is last night,  a night with no pharmaceutical help. Read it and weep for me folks.

6pm - cooking dinner. Overwhelmed by wave of tiredness. Feeling quite light headed so dish out dinner and lie on couch to watch Home and Away on TV.

7.30pm - decide to head to bed as can hardly keep eyes open.

8pm - tucked into bed conversing with the world via iPad. Electric blanket is on and slowly drifting to sleep.

10 pm - husband comes to bed. Cuddled up to warm husband in warm bed and very sleepy.

10.05pm - phone text beeps x2. Ring tone belongs to daughter number 2. Instant panic that something is wrong. Text reads - " Mum, are you asleep?" I reply - " Who died? What did you kill? How much is it going to cost me? " As an afterthought I add " are you OK?". She replies " Very funny. It's OK. It can wait till morning." It obviously can't.

11pm - complete marathon texting session about study opportunities available for next year. Husband snoring. Last text is audio of Dad snoring for her enjoyment.

11.05pm - WHAT IS SHE GOING TO DO NEXT YEAR? Replay discussion in head and weigh up pros and cons as now wide awake. Elbow husband to stop snoring. Try to sleep but impossible with that racket.

12pm -  I do not need to pee. I do NOT need to pee.

12.10am - I need to pee.

12.15am - phone flashing on silent. Avoiding full glass of water, grab phone and glasses and dive under doona cover to read messages. Then check Facebook, Twitter, Google plus, emails and Instagram. May as well cos am wide awake!

2am - grab pillow and move to couch in lounge room. Get cosy as its freezing after the electric blanket.

2.05am - get up because light turns on outside. Instant fear of intruder. Rotating Hills Hoist ( washing line for all non Aussies) has triggered husband's new sensor light toy.

2.10am - start to replay every intruder story heard lately. Analyse every sound outside. Finally I  sleep.

3 am- I need to pee. Traipse back to bedroom narrowly missing vacuum cleaner I should have put away hours ago.

3.05am - wide awake. Body overcome by wind pains. Ouch, ouch and ouch. It seems my body doesn't like my home made quiche.

4am - still wide awake. Husband stirs and asks me how I slept. Resist crazy woman urge to strangle him.

4.30 am - husband gets up and heads to work for super early shift. I have the whole bed to myself and I still can't sleep.

5 am - get up to make warm drink. Come back to bed and knock over glass of water. Swear loudly.

5.30am - foul mood so start writing blog post. Neighbours go to work. Random thought - have  no idea what neighbour looks like. Should say hello in case of possible intruder.

6am - turn light off and finally go to sleep. Thank God I don't have a job to go to.

8am - WIDE AWAKE so get up and have breakfast. Totally and utterly wrecked.

8.30am - Back to bed.

12.00pm - GOOD MORNING! ....GOOD AFTERNOON?

My life is such fun.

Till next time...xxx

ST