HARRIET HAPPY PANTS!!!

I've been reading a book called The Happiness Trap by R. Harris and B. Aisbett. It's not the sort of book I would normally buy but as it has been recommended by someone whom I respect a great deal, I thought I would give it a go. In fact, she spoke so highly of this book I ended up buying it. The book looks at the notion of happiness and how commonplace ideas about happiness are often misleading, inaccurate and likely to make you miserable or worse in the long term. I am only part way through this book but I am hooked.

One of the concepts I am intrigued by is that it is alright not to be happy and that is in fact the way our body works in dealing through situations. It argues that replacing negative thoughts with positive thoughts does not work long term  and trying to maintain it can be more stressful and make you more unhappy.

One of the things that has irked me most in my journey with Cowdens disease is the phrase " be positive". Now I'm not advocating being negative constantly but when you tell somebody with a serious medical condition to think positively, you really shut them down and don't give them the chance to deal with their situation. That's what I think anyway. For example,if you've just been told you have cancer and suddenly your number one fear is death, a challenge to be positive is so impossible it makes you sink worse into your misery. Better the friend who shares the story with you without the need to resort to fairyland. Not everyone ends a saga with a happy ever after. That's life.

When I got breast cancer, a family member told me to tell my brain that I didn't want to own any negative thoughts it threw at me at night time. I embraced this technique and  now I realise that by not engaging with these thoughts at night time , I was taking control and redirecting them into a time frame I could manage. I wasn't thinking positively. I was acting positively.

I hope what I am writing makes sense. Just three chapters of this book has confirmed what I've always felt. If I'm not acting or feeling happy today then that's ok. If you have a problem with that then walk away. However if I'm still unhappy days later, be my friend and point me in the direction of my doctor. Ongoing unhappiness may have a medical reason.

Another thing that's crossed my mind is the person who is constantly happy. Does his or her brain not need to sort stuff out? Is that at all possible? I have met many people like this and I reckon they must collapse in a heap at the end of a day from the pure exhaustion of maintaining a happy facade at all costs. These people and I don't do well together. While they're busy thinking positively, smiling like the deranged and chatting to fairies in fairyland, while whistling a happy tune, I get angry, frustrated and annoyed in their presence. Some days I simply can not be Harriet Happy pants.

Conversations with these people usually go like this:


Isn't it a beautiful day!!Is it?
Today I've been for a long walk, smelt all the flowers, patted the animals, cuddled little kids and made cookies for the homeless.
Really??!!! Today I slept in because my body refuses to sleep at night time. I've been to my millionth doctors appointment, I've had yet another blood test which took ages cos they couldn't get a cannula in, I didn't exercise again cos I'm exhausted and I'm not happy about that at all.
Oh shame. You poor thing. Think positively and tomorrow will be better for you.
Actually tomorrow is full with another doctors appointment and paperwork for more tests. If I sleep I may exercise in between my ultrasound and my catscan.
Oh how lucky you are that you have such options and such access to testing. You must be happy about that.
I'm ecstatic!!! Goodbye


Can't wait to finish the rest of the book. Till next time ...