ON A FINAL NOTE FOR 2014

Dear God, we have to talk. 

For many years now I have got to this date and looked back in horror at the year that has been. Yet again, I find myself in this predicament. What's going on God? My year has been a bit like that joke going around, where someone asks Santa for a slim body and a fat purse and he gets it all mixed up, and the person gets a fat body and a slim purse.

I am feeling a tad ripped off AGAIN!

Now I know that you know what you're doing, but do you think I could maybe offer a few suggestions to guide you for next year...cos it must be difficult dealing with so many people and so many stories.

Firstly God, a bit of overall health in this family wouldn't go astray. It's not that we don't like hanging around hospitals checking out the cute medical students. It's just wearing a bit thin and it costs a small fortune in parking fees.

Second request if it's ok. I would like to stop feeling like I'm constantly waiting for the next thing to go wrong. It's sort of getting on my nerves and making me into a bigger stress head than I already am.

Thirdly a Lotto win must be on the cards...right? 

By the way God, here's a little something I thought I'd share with you cos it hasn't been ALL bad ALL the time. Here are some highlights from 2014.

2014 LUMPY CHRONICLES AWARDS

MOST POPULAR POST - Introducing Ashton GUEST BLOGGER ( my smarty pants daughter took out top post for the year on my blog. Over 1100 people read her posting.

MOST POPULAR ON GOOGLE PLUS - 'Twas the week before Christmas ( hard market to crack and suddenly I hit the jackpot).

MOST SURPRISING LOCATION WHERE BLOG IS READ - Ukraine ( ?)

LEAST SURPRISING LOCATION WHERE BLOG IS READ - Australia

HAPPIEST MEMORY IN 2014 - the Eagles and 96fm visit to our girl in hospital.

COMMUNITY SERVICE AWARD - +Telstra for iPad and modem to our girl

NICEST PEOPLE ON EARTH AWARD - +Midwest Charity begins at Home team

PERSON OF THE YEAR - Dr Hot Stuff 


Till next year...xxx
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ST

ACHY BREAKY HEART

The " thing" I love most in this world  is my mobile phone. I am totally attached to it and the love I have for it is only rivalled by the love I have for my iPad.

Unlike any human that I know, my phone is with me twenty four, seven. It is the first thing I seek out every morning. It has seen me experience every emotion, heard all my secrets and knows whom I stalk on social media. It is a source of entertainment on long journeys by car or plane and also the wee hours of the morning during a bout of insomnia. It is my connection with friends and acquaintances world wide, many of whom have been by my side constantly in the last year. Much as I love my iPad, the phone is smaller and therefore it gets to come places!

Years ago I realised I needed a ring tone which I could pick out easily. The FYD ( favourite younger daughter) warned me not to embarrass her and to choose something suitable. Thus challenged I chose the song most likely to embarrass them both - Achy Breaky Heart by  Billy Ray Cyrus; Miley's Daddy!

Over the years countless numbers of students would yell " Miss your phone is ringing" and then barn dance around the classroom. Billy sang out once or twice during a staff meeting when I had forgotten to silence him. He even sang out during a conference, my daughters graduation mass and the Yr 10 parent information night. Oops!!! Can't remember everything but will never forget my daughters face as she realised from her privileged spot on the stage, that it was indeed HER mother's phone going off during the most solemn part of the ceremony. Priceless!

My phone has all my contacts including my billion doctors. Ok slight exaggeration but I bet I have more doctors on my contact list than most of you, including their private numbers if they are silly enough to ring me from them.  I have addresses that remind me that people live at 72 not 74. I also have some passwords suitably encrypted so only my brain can decipher them. In short everything that makes my life tick is on my phone.

I started my blog on my phone...and sometimes still use it for this purpose.
I shop on it.
I do my banking.
My phone is my lifeline to the outside world.

Which is why when the nice girl at Telstra told me my phone had to go away to be fixed, my hands started to shake and I felt the beginnings of a sweat form on my brow. The nice girl told me she felt my pain and I truly believe her, such was the distress in her voice.

" How long for", I asked quietly.
" A few weeks" she replied.
We made eye contact.
I know she felt my pain.

My phone was handed over and as I bid it au revoir the nice girl handed me a temporary phone. Hmm black, cheap model with keypad too small for my chunky fingers...we meet again. Yes, this has happened before.

Today is day 2 of borrow phone. When it rings I keep thinking there's an icecream van outside my door till I realise too late it's the unfamiliar ring tone. (Come back Billy Ray!!! ). Also, I keep losing it. What idiot designer has not realised that a black phone in a black bag quite literally disappears amidst all the rubbish that lies around it.

But the worst bit is that I have no relationship with this phone. We haven't searched for clues together. We haven't shared secrets and we have no stories to tell. Like all doomed relationships, it does one thing and I do another. It knows our time together is short and it doesn't care.

Dear Telstra, please fix my phone and give it whatever it needs to be happy again...and make it snappy please. Life is too short to spend with cheap imitations.

Till next time...xxx

THE STORY OF TIM AND TAM

So we are back in our home town in the Midwest for rest and recuperation. Not happy that we have left my youngest daughter in the city alone but she is busy in an acting course and we wouldn't have seen her anyway. But not happy regardless.

Hello house.

Hello bed

Hello my spot ( think Sheldon on Big Bang).

The FED and I are home.

The husband appears pleased and immediately asks what's for dinner. It's a well used joke to which I reply " whatever you're cooking". 

We settle into our favourite parts of the house. The FED occupies zone 1 (couch and TV). I get zone 3 ( my bedroom - bliss!) and the husband gets zone 2 ( kitchen, fridge , kettle and computer). We are generous to each other and share the bathrooms. 

Zone 1 and zone 3 are at opposite ends of the house which can be a problem when you wish to communicate with the other person and refuse to budge on the grounds of laziness. If that other person happens to be a young person recently returned home after multiple surgeries it proves harder.

You could yell out... but the TV will be up or she will have earphones in and wont hear you.

You could phone her but she'll undoubtedly  be out of credit.

You could text her but that seems to be a form of communication dying out with the young.

Or...you can Facebook her which will guarantee immediate success as not only has her brain been surgically manipulated, but her new iPad ( thank you Telstra) is never far, and I'm starting to think surgically attached to her hand.

As this was a significant question I chose to Facebook. ( when did that word become an acceptable verb????).

Mum: are there any Timtams left?
FED: there's one left.

Mum: could you bring it to me?

FED: I'd have to take it through enemy territory ( zone 2)...could be risky.

True...the husband is renowned for being able to sniff out a sweet treat from miles away let alone a couple of metres.

Mum: you're a secret agent delivering an important package. You're agent Tim.

FED: delivering to agent Tam?...but I'm the boss ok?

Mum: you can be the boss. Just bring me the bloody Timtam before your father sniffs it.

But she persists!

FED: it's a bit like consultant and registrar. I'm the consultant and you're the registrar. I get to boss you around.

And that's where I cracked up laughing because suddenly I realised her consultant is Dr Tim and his registrar is Dr Tan which is too close to Tam to not be funny. 

Timtan a new biscuit,

The biscuit was carried through enemy territory at a fast speed and eaten at an even faster speed, before "he who sniffs out everything" could register... although he knew something was up because I was laughing so much.

It's good to laugh. It's been too long.

Today my girl flies back to rejoin her sister in the big city. It is almost a month since the last surgery and she is still looking so well. I pinch myself every morning and pray fervently for this to continue and for her life to continue to improve.

As Dr Tim says, " we remain cautiously optimistic". 

Till next time ...xxx