My forties have not been fun and I have to stop this insane notion in my head that once I turn 50 the " bad" times will all end. I may as well accept that they probably won't, because I have a life long medical condition. But a girl can hope can't she that the next ten years won't be so horrendous? I'm due a bit of a break.
While I wouldn't wish my forties on anyone I have learnt lots about myself from a great teacher called LIFE. Not sure how useful some of it is in the long run, but hey every bit of learning is good isn't it? ( scratches head and ponders question).
Anyway sorry if I'm about to bore you but I felt a stocktake was necessary. Sound the trumpets. Here are 40 things I learnt about myself, my body and my condition in my forties:
- Be careful what you wish for. I wanted smaller boobs all through my thirties and I ended up with a mastectomy on both sides in my forties. Not even remotely funny.
- Some doctors are better dealing with people than others. Ironic really because where would they be without people?
- Some medical ancillary staff are too big for their boots. It's ok to stand up to them. Nurses on the other hand must be worshipped.
- I learnt that all sorts of strange procedures exist. Eg ever had a hook wire procedure? I have. Wonder if I could put it on my resume... " I am experienced in hook wire procedures".
- A diagnosis of "benign tumour" is the most uplifting thing you will ever hear. You will want to kiss your doctor, even the ugly ones.
- A diagnosis of " malignant" will crush your very being if you allow it. Don't allow it.
- Having your breasts removed will result in grieving, even if you weren't a fan of them to start off with.
- Your partner will continue to miss your boobs long after you've gotten used to the idea they've gone.
- The cancer didn't kill me but having drains inserted for 10 weeks almost did. Drain pain is a thing, a bloody painful thing.
- You never recover from having cancer. You just learn to live with the fact you've had it. You never stop wondering why you?
- Breast reconstruction is hard work for you and your surgeon. It's easier to build a house than two boobs.
- Surgeons are so clever they can make you new nipples.
- Fake boobs are uncomfortable to sleep with. They can try to suffocate you because they are distant relations of cannon balls.
- Fake boobs act as anti drowning devices in a pool.
- Scars don't all look the same and kids will assume you attempted suicide if your thyroid scar is obvious.
- The strangest, most unusual people will be there for you when you announce you have cancer, but the least expected people will let you down.
- At 43 I learned about Cowden's syndrome. Cow what?
- I learned that when doctors join the dots, eventually you get answers.
- Saying goodbye to your uterus is hard. You may not want more kids, but that doesn't mean you're ready to give it up.
- Saying goodbye to periods is a divine experience.
- I learned that if a doctor says I will recover quickly, I'm in for a rough ride.
- Doctors with alcohol in their rooms are a worry.
- Doctors who tell you that you have cancer and then move you on in under 5 minutes are never to be trusted again.
- I learned that some government workers need convincing that breast reconstruction is not a cosmetic procedure.
- Finding out a second time you have cancer is equally as hard as the first time.
- I found that if you have Cowdens syndrome, doctors will basically think you have made the condition up and it must not exist.
- Colonoscopy preps are gross. Lemon cordial in them makes them bearable.
- You can have polyps in your forties. You can actually have a garden of them.
- Anaesthetic wears your mind, body and hair out.
- Anaesthetists who call themselves your " sleep doctor" should not be trusted.
- Female specialists are harder to deal with than males.
- Removing your ovaries will send you into the biggest hormonal spiral you've ever encountered.
- Its OK to have depression and it's more than ok to talk about it.
- Antidepressants are God's gift to those who need them.
- Stomach surgery is not an easy way of weight loss and anyone who thinks so is a fool.
- Losing lots of weight doesn't make you any happier. It just makes you thinner.
- Chocolate tastes bad after stomach surgery, but salty things are yum.
- I'm more resilient than I ever thought possible.
- The greatest pain ever is not childbirth or organ removal or cancer. It's watching your child go through a medical nightmare and being unable to fix it.
- It's easier to accept what you have to go through and deal with it, then to fight it.
Here's hoping my fifties are a little less educational. I'm thinking ( hoping) for a peaceful, quiet life. Palm trees and money in the bank would be nice too!
Till next time...xxx
ST