WE'RE NOT WAITING FOR ANYONE!

I simply refuse to believe that Christmas is four weeks away! But no amount of burying my head in the sand will change the fact that the need to feel festive is once again upon us. At the risk of sounding like Scrooge, grumble, grumble...haven't we just had one?

Obviously not, if the shops are anything to go by.

But let's backtrack a wee bit before getting too immersed in all things Christmas. You may remember in my daughter's last procedure we had a hiccup. We had thyroidgate! Honestly there we were happy in the misguided notion that we were getting somewhere, when suddenly we got a left hook out of nowhere.

Nodules on the thyroid.
Nodules on the thyroid which need investigating.
Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Do not complete destruction of fistula and head directly to endocrinology instead.
You are allowed to swear - I did.

A week later this was followed by a biopsy and a few days later a phone call from Dr HS to tell us the biopsy was benign. He actually emailed us at 8.30pm with the news. I'm presuming that's when he got it himself and I'm polishing his doctor of the year badge as we speak, because he didn't leave us waiting till the endocrinology consult another week later.

Of course we still had to go to a meeting with the thyroid doctor and work out if she was going to require  surgery or not.

The land of endocrinology lies in the previously unchartered E block of the hospital. It took a full five minutes to walk there from the neurology unit, down a dowdy, dark corridor that erupted into a giant waiting room. Luckily we weren't kept waiting for long today. Not that I minded. The nurse on duty was most entertaining bellowing from one side of the room to the other.

And the verdict is....no surgery for now and more monitoring in twelve months. The young doctor finished by saying it would take roughly two weeks for the report to reach Dr HS. Remember...it took us five minutes to walk here from the neuro unit but it would take two weeks for the report to electronically walk back! Am I the only one who has a problem with this?

So, my ever sensible daughter has made a decision. She's not hanging about waiting for doctors. She's going back to work and she has ordered her father and me to take the holiday we had planned to take. When the paper work has trekked down the corridor, we will regroup and recommence. At this rate we're guessing it could be in the New Year!

No other option really but it is so hard to go on holidays and Christmas shop while this is all unresolved. It's not a little problem, it's a big problem and the impatient part of me ( most of me) does not deal well with waiting under these circumstances.

And don't tell me it's character building because I will hunt you down and go all Scrooge and nasty on you!

Bring on the Christmas shopping!

Till next time...xxx

REALLY MR LATHAM? SIGH

Its really true isn't it that some people only open their mouth to change feet.

I'm convinced its true after reading what an ex (thank goodness) Australian politician has been spouting today. Not to give the dropkick any oxygen I am posting a link to a response from journalist Mia Freedman, from website Mamamia.

Please read what she has to say first. Round of applause to Ms Freedman.

http://www.mamamia.com.au/wellbeing/mark-latham-column/

Disgusted? Read on. If you're not disgusted, then I'm sorry for you, because in 2014 nobody should have to defend his or herself against such misinformed dribble.

If you asked ME, Mr Latham, how I got through the last few years, my answer would be almost exactly the same as Ms Pryor. The only difference is I would have said, caffeine, antidepressants, chocolate and the odd bourbon. I would probably have added that staying away from comments like yours, which are only designed to humiliate and embarrass would have been occurring simultaneously. I have long learned to encircle myself with people who raise me up not those whose mission it is to bring myself and others down.

Yes, like Ms Pryor, I too have children. Why do people like me have children in the first place? Let me answer that with another question. Why do sufferers of foot in mouth disease like yourself have them? I'm sure the anger and hurt that this article will generate will harm your children more than mine ever have been in their lives. So, why do YOU have children when its so flipping obvious you suffer from chronic foot in mouth disease? How will your children fare when they find out the trouble Dad has stirred up...just because he can!

Here's the bit that gets me the most!  Occurring to Mr Latham, people who take antidepressants are copping out on their responsibilities and that staying home with my children should have been my antidepressant. He also says that popping pills is cowardly and being used as an easy way out, instead of facing up to the responsibilities of adulthood.

Mr Latham, I am 48 and have faced more drama and trauma than you ever will in your life. And Im glad for you because I don't want anyone to go through what Ive been through.

Rather than copping out on my resposibilities, I actually faced them by seeking help when I knew there was a problem. Thats called being responsible not irresponsible. It means that I can function better on this earth and yes...if we're talking about being a better parent, it means that too. Without help from people who understand my condition, I would have simply retreated into my shell, not given my kids the attention they got and probably never attended assemblies, rosters, dance displays and the myriad of other things parents face daily. Sorry to disappoint you Mr Latham but women who seek help are acknowledging they have resposibilities and doing whatever they can to meet them.

Next...please take your head out of the fairytale you are reading and look me in my eyes and tell me with sincerity, that staying home with my children ALL THE TIME should be my antidepressant. Are you for real???

All humans need to be social . Read up on Maslow's hierarchy of needs if you dont know what I mean. They need to mix with their own people. They need to feel useful, use their brains, solve problems etc etc etc. It can't always be with their children. My experience of this is that mothers groups drove me batty. I needed stimulation that did not involve nappies and formula and sleep, all the time. I went back to work part time and bingo in just a couple of days, I felt better about myself.

But you know what I mean...cos you stayed home with your kids.Right? Or was it your wife?

I met a man in the school staff room one day who reprimanded me for doing relief teaching and leaving my kids with a babysitter. He told me that my first duty was to be with my children not the children of others. He essentially told me what you are saying today; that I am a disgrace of a parent and copping out on my responsibilities. He also ( bless him) told me the best part of his day was when he got home and he could smell the cake his wife had baked for him. (Are you feeling guilty yet?)! He could no doubt also hear the joyous, excited voices of his angelic children as they rushed to bring him his slippers and mop his hard worked brow.

Give me a break!

Thumbs down to the Australian Financial Review for printing such a hurtful, innaccurate load of cock a doodle doo. What the hell?

Thumbs down to anyone who thinks that seeking help for mental health issues is a cop out.Quit judging if you're one of these people and seek help immediately for your ego.

Thumbs up for parents who are responsible enough to seek help which enables them to do a better job raising their children. Hopefully if we do a good enough job ( while on medication of course), our children will never disrespect women in the manner they have been today.

Till next time...xxx

GIVE A GIRL AN ICECREAM!!!

There are so many things that could have flattened me in the last 12 months but all it actually took was the common cold.

Now, I could tell you about the sniffles and dribbles, the coughing up of lungs, the cracked nose and lips and the mountain of tissues. But I'll spare you the details and fill you in about the week instead. 

You may recall that one of my daughter's fistula procedures was cut short because the doctor found nodules on her thyroid which needed investigating. Well, that's been done and we expect some results in the next week or so. Nothing more can be done on fistula number 2 till the agenda of the thyroid is determined. Really, really frustrating stuff I can tell you, especially since fistula number 2 is in need of the demolition it's big brother got.

So once again we wait.

I should be an expert at this by now, but yesterday it all finally got to me. What got to me? Take your pick...

• Waiting  (has never been my forte).
• The possibility of something else being wrong.
•  The wasted time when the doctors could be working in fistula 2.
• The fact that my husband has to return to work and I am dealing with this essentially alone.
• The distance to my home and my bed, which is all I want at the moment with this bloody cold.
• The possibility of having to cancel a much needed week away that the husband and I have planned and paid for.
• Icecream

Yes, icecream! Feeling down in the dumps I decided to treat myself to an icecream and to drive the necessary distance to purchase the type I wanted. On arrival, the machine was out of order and no icecream was available for sale. Of course!!!

And of course that was the final straw - not the fistula, not the thyroid, not the lumps, not the head cold from hell but THE ICECREAM.

I may have shed a few tears...or a few litres of tears...down the phone to the husband. Enough is enough God. Give a girl an icecream!!!

Laughs aside for a minute.

I love sharing our story with you all and you will never fully understand how this blog and your comments have kept my head continuously above water. Without this blog in the last 15 months I would quite literally have gone insane.

If you read this blog through Twitter or Google plus there is no problem. However, if you read it through the CHRONICLES OF A LUMPY PERSON page on facebook (as most of you do), there is a problem. Unless you like and/ or share a post every so often , I am unlikely to remain in your news feed. To give you an example- I have 551 followers on my facebook page but only 40 % at the MOST are being shown the posts. It's very frustrating!

 Please help me get my story out without having to pay the money Facebook requires.

The girls and I have just been to see a movie together. It's the first time in ages that the three of us have been able to do something together socially and it felt good being with my girls. One has finished uni for the year. The other is almost done with her acting course. In what continues to be an annus horribilis, it is good to do something " normal" together. It's been a while!

Till next time...xxx

PS: Remember - those on the facebook page need to like and/ or share.

THE POWER OF BACON

It's been a while since I wrote a story. This is mostly factual and yes...I'm Emma. I just wanted to be someone other than myself for a moment.

THE POWER OF BACON

Emma reached for her latte and sipped the hot, milky liquid as she gazed over the sparkling Indian Ocean. It was a beautiful day despite a little chill still in the air. It obviously wasn't quite summer yet unless of course you owned a wetsuit, in which case it was summer all year long.

The arrival of food stopped her rambling thoughts. Luckily for her it was still breakfast time and she could get a bacon and egg sandwich.As usual in times of stress she reverted to the " bacon fixes everything" notion, held by everyone in her family from nanna downwards. Broke up with someone?Smashed your car? Lost your job? Bacon was her family's version of a Maccas run...a piggy bandaid that fixed all.

But bacon wasn't going to fix the problems Emma had and she knew it. No amount of yummy piggy was going to help find out what was wrong with her daughter or make her feel better about what was going on. Tomorrow would come whether she ate bacon or not.

Tomorrow was a test. Another test on top of the hundreds of tests her daughter had already had...in a new area...in her thyroid gland. Emma choked back the sobs. She hated seeing what her daughter was going through and hated feeling that in some way this was her fault. Her fault because unbeknown to her at the time, she had passed on a faulty gene.

The bacon was delicious, not too salty and not too crunchy. If only her life would take a leaf out of bacon's book and be not too complicated, she thought to herself.

Below the cafe window, the wetsuit wearing few had ventured into the water with their boards. It was quite the sight and one she never tired of. She wondered how her daughter was feeling and if she really understood what a biopsy entailed. Memories of her own two biopsies long forgotten were suddenly crystal clear once more, as was the surgery which followed.

" You don't have thyroid cancer" said the doctor gruffly, two weeks later. " You look disappointed", he continued.

Instant relief merged quickly with a type of anger she had never experienced before. Her husband felt it too and held onto her hand tightly.

Even now years later Emma felt her shackles rise. What sort of a doctor tells a patient she looks disappointed not to have cancer? What sort of a doctor confuses a bewildered look with a disappointed look. She had convinced herself it was cancer like her sister had. She certainly wasn't disappointed to be wrong...just bewildered why she had been let off and her sister hadn't.

But she hadn't really been let off had she , because seven years later the word thyroid had resurfaced. Just like the word nodule had resurfaced. Just like the statistics had resurfaced. Except this time...it was her daughter's turn and she could do nothing but look bewildered once more and experience emotional pain far greater than her own situation had ever given her.

The bacon was finished and the latte dregs had turned cold. Emma reached to her neck and followed the large incision that told the world she was thyroid less. She remembered how ignorant people had said she tried to take her own life. She remembered how they laughed when they found out they were wrong and how they told the story anyway.

The surfers returned to shore as Emma paid for her late breakfast and walked to her car. She willed the nodule on her young daughters neck to be benign, to be not important, to be much ado about nothing, to be a storm in a teacup. She willed the experience to be over and done with and for her daughter's doctor to be kind in soul and spirit.

There was only one other thing she could do. She would make her daughter bacon and eggs for breakfast. Nanna would have approved.

THE END

HOUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM

So they say silence is deafening. Obviously by the amount of private messages I have received in the last 24 hours some of you sense that something is not right. And you are right. Once more we have encountered a hurdle in what is our never ending race to the finish line.

For some reason Friday didn't feel right. The FED ( favourite eldest daughter) was nervous about her procedure and she is never normally nervous. I didn't want to leave the hospital during the procedure. I don't normally think twice about leaving.

Yes, Friday felt odd.

The plan was that the doctor would ring after the angiogram and tell us whether he could or couldn't sort out the second fistula. Three hours into the procedure and we had no phone call. I assumed that he had just carried on after the angiogram and felt some relief that the procedure was possible.

And then came the phone call with my daughter sobbing at the other end. In performing the angiogram a nodule had "lit up" on her thyroid. Dr HS said it needed to be biopsied and that it had to be done while she was off anticoagulants. If he continued working, a biopsy would not be possible.She was back on the ward with fistula still present.

Nothing wrenches at my heart more, than my children sobbing their eyes out.

And of course being mere mortals we all immediately think of the worst. We rattle off all the thyroid problems on both sides of the family and yes there are many, so we feel worse. And then on top of the family history there is my Cowdens which gives you an increased risk of thyroid cancer. Of course, that doesn't mean you'll get it. I never did.

 Plus I'm pretty sure it's predominantly males with CS who get thyroid cancer.

I'm babbling because I'm overwrought with mental and physical exhaustion.I'm thinking and talking out loud to try and make her feel better...to try and make us all feel better.

Dr HS arrives and runs through everything for me and the husband. I hear everything and take in nothing. All I can think about is that this child is a carbon copy of me and that my nodules were benign. Please God let hers be too. Enough is enough.

So, this week is an unknown. We will meet a new doctor and a new department and we will deal with this hiccup as best we can.

Then we can get back to the brain.

Till next time...xxx

A LETTER TO GOD

Dear God

Hope you've had a good day. Mine wasn't so bad except for the bit where I had to drive to Perth again. It's only been four days since we came home so we haven't had a chance of forgetting our way or anything! Funnily enough the husband was convinced that it's been a week and a half since our last trip. Glad to see it's not just me who is losing it.

Now God lets chat. I think you do a fabulous job but if you don't mind I would like to suggest a few changes you may wish to consider, to make our life a little bit easier. I hope you don't think I'm being too forward!

1. Jurien Bay bakery needs more jam doughnuts. It's most upsetting to get half way and be denied the choice of having one. 
2. Thank you for the Kangaroos but could you please keep them off the road? I know they're your creatures and all that but really they scare the crap out of the husband when they just appear.
3. What have you done with the emus? Thats three trips in one week and not one emu, but plenty of those  hippity hoppity things. Bring back the emus!
4. Can you do something about the reception. I mean what's a girl supposed to do for four hours in the car. The husband and I have been married for ever. We know each other's stories. I could have done my blog on the way instead of 10.41 pm in the dark. Please fix the reception so I can get internet!
5. Cyclist on the road in the middle of nowhere? What was that about? Was I meant to stop? Was it a challenge? Really God! It's not safe to be in the Australian bush at that time of the day ALONE. You're meant to know that!!
6. By the way thanks for that amazing sunset which we did notice in between watching for animals. Oh also...could you make the husband believe that the animal I saw was really a kangaroo not a sheep. He laughed so much at me and kept cackling that sheep have four legs! It's so annoying when I make a mistake and he just goes on.

Now God while I'm on a roll...

Tomorrow, I'm assuming that you will be standing right next to Dr HS during the FED's procedure. He says he doesn't believe in you but the FED ( favourite eldest daughter) and I look at each other in disbelief. Where does he think he got all his skill from? Really!!! Anyway, keep an eye on him as usual won't you and guide his hands. And please don't let the procedure go on too long God. It's really hard on the people who are waiting especially me, the husband and the FYD.

Gotta get some sleep now God.

Gotta be up soon.

In your hands as usual xxxx

S

HOW TO GET POPULAR FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS!!!

 In Australia today it's Melbourne Cup day. It's a day where the country stops for a horse race. It's a day to lunch and drink and hopefully make a little bit of money. It's almost like a religious day of obligation!


And then there are those ( eg my daughter), who had no time for Melbourne Cup festivities because she was desperately trying to get assignments completed. Why the rush? Yep, you guessed it. Back in hospital for more surgery in three days. If you haven't read the last post which explains why, here is the link.

http://lumpyone.blogspot.com.au/2014/10/kangaroos-and-doctor-stuff.html

I was feeling a little glum about the whole prospect of her going through it again. Then she asked me to proof read her English assignment. It was an autobiographical account of the last fifteen months.

It was more accurately an account of her positivity and inner strength, in the face of a condition no one should have to go through, at such a young age especially. It was factual yet humorous and full of gratitude to have the opportunity to be treated.

I am still a bit down, because after all it is brain procedure number fourteen. However, by reading what she wrote I am reminded to be grateful that at least there are still options available to make her better.

There are a lot of new people who are reading my blog and it got me thinking that many of you have not followed my story or my daughter's from the start and consequently are not up to speed. With regards to my daughter, you could read all previous posts...but there ARE lots! Or you could just read three. The three that according to my blog stats were so very popular. My attempt at turning our unfolding story into a satirical kids book, made my blog popular for all the wrong reasons.

So enjoy my re-posting of A NAUGHTY BRAIN which you can find by clicking on the following three links from May and July this year.

http://lumpyone.blogspot.com.au/2014/05/just-load-of-nonsense.html

http://lumpyone.blogspot.com.au/2014/07/just-load-of-nonsense-2.html

http://lumpyone.blogspot.com.au/2014/07/just-load-of-nonsense-3.html

Enjoy and have a laugh for us!!

Unfortunately, it never was the end of the story! See you in hospital! 



Till next time...xxx